The concept of ‘saying goodbye’

Just recently, I’ve heard from a few friends that they had to say “goodbye” to a loved one… and I had that experience as well… and let me say, it feels like… “I’m not good at that”. But what is it, that makes it so hard?

Sometimes… things just doesn’t work out… and if you’re like me, you may can relate. – I’m deeply listening to my inner self to reflect what went wrong and I’m taking full responsibility… which might not be fair to myself at that moment, but helps me to heal and process – and brings me a step closer to who I envision to be and to respect my future self.

 I, as you know,  don’t think this is the right thing. I care about you, I think that we’re awesome together and I think that we would have an awesome future together. I’m prepared to work on the things that aren’t working right now… I’m prepared to do the things to make our relationship amazing…but for that I need a teammate and that means someone who’s willing to work on them with me and you obviously are not because you’ve decided to end it.

So, while I think that this is the wrong thing, I have to respect that you’ve made this decision and I intend to move on with my life and i wish you the best.

Don’t get me wrong – the above is not a “one size fits all”-solution (and I don’t think there is or should be one), but that is how I just recently felt.

Even this might be true to me – every relationship is different. Imagine, one of my friends had a tough time breaking up with a person with whom he was not only “together”… but married. Do you think my “advise” would have helped him? It might be – it might be not. Sometimes we’re just thrown into a situation… and sometimes we just have to take the cards that are given to us.

But that is not the question – why? Because, someone else’s relationship is someone else’s relationship. If someone asks me for advise… for sure, I’m there. But nowadays, people… especially in times of social media… think, that they are the ones knowing everything… even about dynamics in relationships they were not part of… about feelings they haven’t felt with that person – however, I think, that this is an area we should re-programm our minds and start to respect feelings. Be it from outside… or even between those two individuals. I know… there is pain… anger… disappointment… but sometimes we’re just not placed into the best situation to make the best decisions… especially under highly emotional circumstances and pressure.

“Aren’t you heartbroken?” – For sure I am… and was.

When we get out of a relationship, we are preoccupied with our pain… the pain of having lost something that felt so deeply important to us and still does, but in all of that pain, which is tremendous, one of the things we forget to do is to connect with the newfound sense of peace that we have now that we are no longer in that relationship.

Now, for many of us that is going to be and incredibly difficult “idea” to trust in. At first, how could I feel “peace” right I’m in my worst moment of my life. How could that be connected to a sense of “peace”?

You have to be able to separate… “How you feel about someone” from “how someone makes you feel”.

Those are very different things. I may feel about the person, that they are charismatic… and adorable… and intelligent… and wise…. and fun, but if they make me feel… lonely, and sad, and anxious, and stressed, and questioning my value.. that’s the reality of my relationship.

So you can think someone is a god, but if they make you feel like you’re nothing… that’s going to be your experience… and this is something no one deserves to be treated like.

But don’t mix up one crucial point – I truly belief that no person ever want’s to see a loved one suffering. A lover… a relationship… a partner for life. My ‘concept of saying goodbye’ is a concept rooted in a deep belief of happiness and love and I think, that nowadays, people tend to give up to early. It’s easy to replace …. and nothing is wrong with easy…. but my definition of ‘love’ is not only a concept for easy times…. but also for cloudy, rainy moments.

One of my mom’s favourite songs is “Life is a rollercoaster” – from Ronan Keating… it is… and ever will be.

I think, that right now we are in a world where everyone is so quick to get triggered by bad behavior, that they fight fire with fire, which is why so little is being accomplished… in society, in politics, and in the relationships around us and so for me I think that the world needs more people spending times with their thumbs… and less people being addicted pointing their fingers… and this is what I initially meant by taking full responsibility to heal and love again… and creating a future self you envision to be.

Even though people would call me loving, forgiving, caring and respecting… I envision my future self to be more than that, but also a person, who is not too hard on himself. Sometimes, I just want to be ‘Gianluca’.